Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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