I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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