I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
