Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
