Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize