i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
