she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize