So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
