someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize