physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
