I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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