You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize