I'm eating all of the evidence.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
