Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
