He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
