I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
