I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
