all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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