We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
