; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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