This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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