i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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