mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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