Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
