I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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