I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
