even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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