Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
