Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
