I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
