If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
