You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
