Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
pray to the hookup gods
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
