It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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