u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
