girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
