got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
