Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she told me i tasted like america
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
