At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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