Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
