Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
