that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
