Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
