a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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