loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
