There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize