i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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