It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
