and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
