sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
