You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
