did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
