well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
