My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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