My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
