i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
