how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I did not marry a roomba.
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