If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize