She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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