so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
