She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
