My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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