Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
