Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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