Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
