Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
