I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
