real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
