come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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