Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize