Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When are your genitals available?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
