I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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