sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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