Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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