i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
