You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
