Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize