I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a search helicopter?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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