dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
