It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
