i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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