I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
