there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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