Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
