so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
