I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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