someone threw a dead crab at me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
