I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
