hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
