I feel like I'm in dance class right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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