just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
