ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
