thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
