This is not my ceiling
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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