I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize