morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
