My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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