He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
