A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so explain again why im purple
no
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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