The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
