Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
