she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
