btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize