id be glad to
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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