i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
