if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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