this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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