You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
