Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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